John McCain's Opening Statement From Petraeus Hearing

The Colbert Report 3:00 Phone Calls

The Colbert Report discusses the Democratic Primaries and those 3AM ads. Near the end is a joint commercial featuring Barack Obama and John McCain.

Oliver Stone Fair To President Bush? I Doubt It.

Oliver Stone is working on a new feature film called “W” about President Bush. He is planning to start filming this month and hopes to release the film before the November election. The Hollywood Reporter describes how Bush is described in the film.

President George W. Bush is a foul-mouthed, reformed drunk obsessed with baseball, Saddam Hussein and a conflicted relationship with his dad.

Is this portrayal accurate? The Hollywood Reporter gave the script to several Bush biographers, several of which are no fans of Bush. The resulting story is “Bush biographers mixed on script for Oliver Stone's 'W'”

Reactions to the script from the biographers were mixed. They said specific scenes are largely based in fact but noted that the screenplay contains inaccurate and over-the-top caricatures of Bush and his inner circle.

"It leaves you with the impression that the White House is run as a fraternity house with no reverence for hierarchy, the office itself or for the implications of policy," said Robert Draper, author of "Dead Certain: The Presidency of George Bush." "Everybody calling everybody else nicknames and chatting about whether to go to war as if they were chatting about how to bet on a football game really misses the mark of how many White Houses, including this one, are run."

Jacob Weisberg ("The Bush Tragedy") was skeptical about Stone's claim that he wants to make "a fair, true portrait" of Bush. "His saying he is going to be fair to Bush is like Donald Trump saying he is going to be modest," Weisberg quipped.

I really don’t see Stone being fair to Bush either.

The Importance of Charity

"The Clintons just released their tax returns to the public. ... It turns out that over the past eight years, they've donated over $10 million to charity. When they asked Bill Clinton why he gave so much money to charity, he said, 'She's a really good dancer.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama is narrowing the gap in Pennsylvania, and his campaign is pulling out all the stops. ... His campaign office is now giving away tickets to Dave Matthews concerts. Apparently, this is Obama's attempt to win over REALLY white voters." --Conan O'Brien

"She spent eight years in the White House and she thinks calls coming in at 3 am are about interest rates? I guess Bill had to think really fast when he was asked what the phone call was about." --Bill Maher

Remembering William F. Buckley, Jr.

National Review Online is still publishing tributes to its late founder, William F. Buckley, Jr. There are two I wanted to note here. The first was written by former NYC Mayor Ed Koch who talks about his long friendship with WFB. Read it here.

Bill Buckley, over the years, became one of my heroes. When I was a congressman, he invited me to appear on Firing Line on a number of occasions and always treated me, I thought, more kindly than I had any reason to hope for, since he could have, with his intelligence and debater’s skills, decimated me immediately. Somehow, we became friends, and that friendship continued after I became mayor and after I left office. It was after I left office that Bill invited me occasionally to his home in Manhattan where he and his wife, Pat, held court surrounded by members of the National Review editorial board. I was fascinated by the give-and-take in the conversation and delighted to be asked my opinion.

He talked about being invited by WFB to be a speaker at a conservative fundraiser.

I was honored to do so. I knew that I would have a great time and, in any event, I could never refuse his request. I opened with:

I know what you are thinking. What is a nice, liberal guy like Ed Koch doing here? [Pause]I’m here to convert you.

As you may have guessed, there were no conversions that night.

He concluded with this.

Bill passed on at age 82. I’m 83, so I hope to see him and Pat soon.

Personally, I would prefer that Koch doesn’t join Buckle for many years to come as I think New York and the United States needs all the “liberals with sanity” they can get.

The other tribute I encourage you to read is from the humorist Rob Long. It takes the form of a memorandum from St. Peter to WFB and complains about how active WFB has been since arriving in heaven. It is quite hilarious. Here is a part.

Yes, well. Mr. Karl Marx has registered several formal complaints with the Administration about your repeated pranks — I believe, but cannot prove, that you and Milton Friedman were responsible for what we’re going to call the “jello incident” — and really, sir, if the gentleman doesn’t want to appear in a debate you’ve arranged on the topic “Resolved: This house believes that Marxism is an esophoric condition,” then please, do not keep asking him. Mr. Marx is here on a rather tenuous basis, and wishes to keep a low profile.

The same goes for Mr. Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

In addition, some of the residents are complaining that you are monopolizing J. S. Bach. The two of you are seen together quite often, and it’s making some of the lesser-known residents feel left out. Also:

There have been complaints about loud late-night discussions between you, Pope John Paul II, and Mr. David Niven.

I encourage you to read the whole thing.

The 50 Funniest Jokes Of The Past 12 Months

The New York Post had an article yesterday entitled “KILLER JOKES THE 50 BEST BITS, GAGS AND QUIPS THAT CRACK UP PRO COMICS - AND MAY HAVE YOU SPLITTING YOUR SIDES” According to the article the Post contacted dozens of comics, ranging from top-dollar headliners in Vegas to regulars on "Late Night" and "The Daily Show" and asked them for the best gag they'd written in the past year and their favorite punch line delivered by another comedian. They then chose the 50 most hilarious jokes of the last 12 months (according to the post).

Here are some examples

Jackie Mason
Hillary Clinton says she's the most qualified because she was married to a president for eight years. Now let me ask you, if a brain surgeon quit his job, would everyone in the operating room say, "Wait, let's get his wife."

Seth Meyers
During a "Weekend Update" segment about Eliot Spitzer: And you wanted to have sex with a hooker but you didn't want to wear a condom? Really?!? That might not be scary if you were client number 1, but you were client number 9. I wear a condom if I'm ninth in line at the deli.
(Robert "Triumph the Insult Comic Dog" Smigel's favorite)

Carolyn Castiglia
My mom says to me, "Honey, I don't want you to think I have diabetes because I'm fat. I have diabetes because it runs in our family." I said, "No, mom, you have diabetes because no one runs in our family!" (Adira Amram's favorite)

This is true in my family too unfortunately.

Read all 50 jokes here.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today is the 40th Anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Dr. King was simply one of the greatest Americans to have ever lived and Americans of all races owe him a great debt. I believe the proper way to repay that debt is to strive for equality for all. Here is an excerpt from Dr. King’s greatest speech given August 28, 1963.

In Defense of Torture

There is a blog on the Huffington Post today that attacks U.C. Berkley’s Boalt Hall School of Law for, of all things, having a former Bush Administration lawyer as a Professor. The blog is entitled Why Is Torture Lawyer John Yoo Still Teaching at Berkeley by Barry Yourgrau. As Yourgrau writes:

John Yoo is one of the prime--if not the prime--formulators of the blatantly inadequate and outrageous legal opinions that justified the Bush administration's use of torture.

His opinions were not just idle academic theories: They helped further the actual practice of war crimes and crimes against humanity.

Why is he still allowed to teach at Berkeley? Why hasn't or doesn't the Berkeley faculty senate or law-school senate demand his dismissal? Why haven't or aren't disbarment proceedings being brought against him?

Where do I start? First of all, having a different opinion does not make you a war criminal. As a matter of fact, the First Amendment protects your right to have a different opinion. People are for example free to disagree with Yoo’s argument that water boarding Al Qaeda prisoners like Khalid Sheik Mohammed (the mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks) was legal.

I haven’t read Yoo’s legal memoranda (I believe they are still classified) but I can speculate as to what they said. First of all you need to ask what specific law water-boarding Khalid Sheik Mohammed would have violated. In order for something to be illegal, there actually has to be a law against it.

It didn’t violate the Geneva Convention because Al Qaeda is not a signatory. Therefore, Al Qaeda prisoners have no rights under it. The idea behind having “rules of war” is that they are binding on both sides and therefore, by following the rules, you protect your own captured soldiers. You can ask Daniel Pearl if Al Qaeda respects the rules of the Geneva Convention despite not being a signatory. No wait, you can’t because Khalid Sheik Mohammed cut his head off with a knife as part of a snuff film.

It was not unconstitutional. The Eighth Amendment prohibits torture as punishment, but the water boarding that was done was for interrogation purposes, not punishment. The Fifth Amendment Due Process Clause would prohibit the use of a coerced statement at a trial, but the information was instead used to disrupt ongoing Al Qaeda operations, preventing several planned terrorist attacks and saving lives.

There are certainly arguments against the use of torture by the United States regardless of its legality. John McCain is one of the people making those arguments. His experience of being tortured as a POW makes it a personal issue for him. But even he opposed a recent attempt by congress to outlaw water-boarding by limiting CIA interrogators to techniques allowed by an army interrogation manual. We do not want future Al Qaeda prisoners to know in advance what techniques will be used against them. Otherwise they can harden themselves against those techniques. There is of course another reason, the ticking bomb scenario. While torturing prisoners may not be our policy, we may in the future need to make an exception or two.
But I will vehemently disagree with any kind of argument that alleges water boarding a terrorist makes us just as bad as they are.

The late William F. Buckley, Jr. used to use this analogy about moral equivalence. A man who pushes an old lady in front of a bus and a man that pushes an old lady out of the way of a bus ought not be lumped together as people that push old ladies around.

She's F***ing Obama

This is an expanded version of the "I am f***ing Obama" bit that was in the Clint-On ad parody I posted last week. What's next? John McCain f***ing Ben Afflec?



In case you are interested, you can see the original Sara Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel videos here and here.

About Political Scandals

If there is one absolute rule in politics, it is that there will be scandals. Scandals generally fall into four categories: corruption, abuse of power, criminal violations unrelated to office and sex. It’s the last type of scandal that seems to get the most public attention, but is the least serious. Personally, I don’t care who politicians sleep with (provided their partners are adults). Everything else being equal, I would prefer a candidate that is faithful to their spouse, but infidelity will not keep me from voting for the candidate I think will do the best job or who I most agree with on the issues.

Of course my four categories are not mutually exclusive. Sex is often involved in other types of scandals. Here in the NYC metro area we have had 3 governors resign in 4 years over different types of scandals.

In August of 2004, I was temping at a law firm and getting ready to start my first year as a teacher. Someone in the office said that New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey.was going to resign because he was gay. My first reaction was why would he resign for being gay? Of course, that wasn’t the reason he resigned. He resigned because it was revealed that Golan Cipel, the man he had appointed to be New Jersey’s Homeland Security Advisor was his lover. The appointment had been criticized from the start because Cipel had no experience to qualify him for the position, not to mention he was ineligible for a federal security because he was not a U.S. citizen. This of course made no sense at all until it was learned he was the governor’s lover. Here is a scandal that falls in 3 categories, sex, abuse of power (appointing an unqualified person to a vital state position) and corruption (a state job and salary to his lover).

John G. Rowland, the three-term governor of Connecticut, was not only forced from office but served 10 months in prison when it was revealed contractors doing business with the state paid for and made improvements to his vacation home. This was a corruption, but since there was no sex, probably the least memorable.

That brings us to Client #9. Eliot Spitzer resigned when it was revealed he had illegally patronized a high-priced prostitute. Here is a scandal that involves sex and criminal violations unrelated to office. I think there are far worse sins for a governor than patronizing a $5,000 a night prostitute. But Spitzer has committed those as well. The real scandal was Spitzer’s abuse of power in ordering the state police to target his political enemy, Joe Bruno. It has now come out that Spitzer may have committed perjury in denying his role in the scandal.

Spitzer’s replacement, Governor David Patterson had no sooner taken office when he was involved in his own sex scandal. Patterson has had multiple affairs and has a history of drug use (into at least his early 20’s). He came clean with them because reporters were apparently snooping around. In one sense I admire his honesty. But I think he should have just taken a stand and said my private life is private and I will not answer questions about my marriage or my sex life. Don’t deny the affairs; just refuse to talk about them because they are no ones business but his family’s.

Before I end this I want to talk about Bill Clinton. While Clinton’s involvement with Monica Lewinsky was a sex scandal, Clinton was impeached because he committed perjury and obstruction of justice. You may understand why a man in Clinton’s position might lie about infidelity with an intern. But defendants in sexual harassment cases often have to answer embarrassing questions. People may lie under oath all the time and get away with it, but when they are caught, there needs to be serious consequences. I don’t care who Clinton has sex with, I really don’t. But I do care that as an attorney, I was told on multiple occasions by a witness not to call them for a deposition because if I did they would lie. After all, as everyone was saying just a few years before, perjury in a civil deposition is no big deal.

So how about we spend less time investigating politicians sex lives and more investigating their job performance?

The Curious Case of Sidd Finch

23 years ago today, Sports Illustrated ran a story about a about an amazing Mets prospect, a 28-year old year old, Tibetan Yogi-trained pitcher who could throw a baseball an amazing 168-miles per hour. You can read The Curious Case of Sidd Finch on Sports Illustrated's website.

Catching Finch fell on Mets catcher Ron Reynolds.

Reynolds is a sturdy, hardworking catcher (he has been described as looking like a high school football tackle). He has tried to be close-lipped about Finch, but his experiences inside the canvas enclosure have made it difficult for him to resist answering a few questions. He first heard about Finch from the Mets' general manager. "Mr. Cashen called me into his office one day in early March," Reynolds disclosed. "I was nervous because I thought I'd been traded. He was wearing a blue bow tie. He leaned across the desk and whispered to me that it was very likely I was going to be a part of baseball history. Big doings! The Mets had this rookie coming to camp and I was going to be his special catcher. All very hush-hush.

"Well, I hope nothing like that guy ever comes down the pike again. The first time I see him is inside the canvas coop, out there on the pitcher's mound, a thin kid getting ready to throw, and I'm thinking he'll want to toss a couple of warmup pitches. So I'm standing behind the plate without a mask, chest protector, pads or anything, holding my glove up, sort of half-assed, to give him a target to throw at . . . and suddenly I see this windup like a pretzel gone loony, and the next thing, I've been blown two or three feet back, and I'm sitting on the ground with the ball in my glove. My catching hand feels like it's been hit with a sledgehammer."

Fortunately for the batters, Finch had perfect control.

Met manager Davey Johnson has seen Finch throw about half a dozen pitches. He was impressed ("If he didn't have this great control, he'd be like the Terminator out there. Hell, that fastball, if off-target on the inside, would carry a batter's kneecap back into the catcher's mitt"), but he is leaving the situation to the front office. "I can handle the pitching rotation; let them handle the monk."

But at the time Finch was trying to decide between playing baseball and playing the French Horn.

The Met inner circle believes that Finch's problem may be that he cannot decide between baseball and a career as a horn player. In early March the club contacted Bob Johnson, who plays the horn and is the artistic director of the distinguished New York Philomusica ensemble, and asked him to come to St. Petersburg. Johnson was asked to make a clandestine assessment of Finch's ability as a horn player and, even more important, to make contact with him. The idea was that, while praising him for the quality of his horn playing, Johnson should try to persuade him that the lot of a French-horn player (even a very fine one) was not an especially gainful one. Perhaps that would tip the scales
in favor of baseball.

Finch never did play in a regular season game. I am not sure if he chose the French Horn instead. George Plimpton did end up writing a novel about what Sidd Finch’s first year in the majors would have been like. I wonder what ever happened to him.

Happy April Fool's Day

In this case the fools are 9/11 Conspiracy theorists. In this video, an Al Qaeda spokesman debates a conspiracy theorist.


9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says